Boone

As you can see, I stopped blogging a few years ago. I stopped because it is so easy to share life with friends and family nowadays through Instagram and Facebook, and I stopped because after my last post in 2015 I could not hardly bring myself to log back in and see what I had written, because- it hurt to my bones to relive. But, Boone is here, and the mourning and grief the last years have brought, are turning into joy and elation every time I look at this sweet boy. I wish I could say that our adoption story was unusually hard, but I find in this community of adoptive families, it isn't. Every adoption, like every child, is different, and God doesn't cease to use those opportunities to grow and prepare you to parent the child he has pre-ordained for your family. With that said, I will probably not be back to blogging. But I wanted to share Boone's story here, just like I did his other siblings. We waited 1181 days for Boone. But we felt Gods call on our hearts for adoption for years (Rachel since Highschool), we spent time praying over adoption, contemplating the "what ifs" with it, worrying about the financial aspects if we said yes. When we finally said "yes", we were all in, we were excited and ready to move forward. We chose to pursue international adoption. We chose an agency, we fundraised, we worked on our home study. Then, just as we were ready to submit our dossier paperwork to our agency we were told of a birth mother who wanted to place her baby for adoption and was due in a couple months. We paused the International adoption process and pursued that baby with that mom, it didn't work out and we walked away after a month completely devastated. We mourned. We cried, a lot. But we jumped back on the international adoption train. Sure we were just momentarily distracted and we were supposed to pursue international all along. We made a million (around there) copies and sent everything into our agency for our dossier. Then We were told they were discouraging families from pursuing the country we had chosen anymore for various, serious, reasons. This is the moment where I started to pull away from sharing our adoption journey so openly. It was like two punches in the gut back to back and I simply could not allow a lot of people into what I was feeling. Repeating how everything was not working out was simply too hard. We stepped away from the international program, and we mourned again. Wondering if we were truly tough enough to pursue adoption. We decided to keep trying and switched to our agencies Domestic program, God had used the hurt we felt in our failed adoption to open our eyes to the need for adoptive parents right here, He truly does not waste a thing. After switching programs, we felt rejuvenated and excited. We were open to so many things, surely a birth mom would pick us quickly- right? Wrong. We finished the new home-study, applied for grants, continued fundraising, started a nursery... I checked my phone at least 100 times a day the first few months, and nothing happened- deafening silence from our agency. Until January of 2017. When we got a call about a little boy in Hong Kong. He had some special needs they said, but would we consider pursuing him? We agonized over his picture. We had his profile shown to several doctors. We talked, we prayed, we said "yes". Then Hong Kong said "No" to us, we had 1 too many biological children for them to approve us, no exception. Again, the rejection that comes with being so willing and open hit us like a wave. We asked God "why" did he keep saying "no". We struggled to reason why we felt called to something so clearly, yet it felt like every way we turned we were shut down. We felt completely alone in our frustration and grief. I felt betrayed by God, struggling to believe he loved me. During that season I confided in my dear friend Jessie, what I was feeling. I gave words to everything I felt that felt shameful and wrong to say. I wept on the phone telling her I was mad at God, I was frustrated and felt betrayed by him and like He was being cruel. I told her I didn't think adoption was ever going to happen for us and that I may be "done" trying. This friend responded in the best way, she said she was sorry, she said it did suck and it was okay to feel what I felt and she said she loved me just the same. Then she worked with my husband and surprised me that very night with tickets to see Lauren Daigle and Hillsong United, I didn't make it one song before I was weeping. We spent hours singing praises to God, pouring out my heart to him and facing him head-on. I realized I needed a "break" from everything and got off social media completely and spent the summer just enjoying my big kids, Kevin and my relationship with God. It was refreshing and necessary and just what I needed. I started out the fall rejuvenated and so did Kevin. After talking with our agency and realizing that the fact that we already had a larger family had presented a larger issues with birth moms then we ever anticipated we decided that since our children were older, and our life much different then when we had started the adoption process we would begin considering foster care instead. We took 6 weeks of classes and began the home-study process. The whole thing was moving along smoothly, and we honestly enjoyed the whole process. We were nervous for how fostering would look, and what effect it would have on our home, But excited to invest in orphans and finally put the burn in our hearts into action. We finished up everything the beginning of January and waited, anxiously, to hear from the state if we had been approved. While we worked on becoming licensed for foster care, we allowed our profile to continue to be shown through our agency, just in case. We had no real hope at this point of a birth mom choosing us. On Friday, January 19th, however, we were sent an "urgent" case, a birth mom in MO, who was 33 weeks pregnant with a baby boy and her water had broken. She would likely have the baby the next week. I asked Kevin if we should say yes to being shown. He said No initially. He was ready to move on to fostering and didn't want to watch me go through the pain of another birth mom not choosing us, this was birth mom #53! Initially, I accepted his "no" but a few hours later I asked him again, just to be shown one more time, he reluctantly agreed. I told our agency yes. Then I didn't give it a second thought. We had been shown so much, we were almost ready to start fostering, we had been told no so many times already. The weekend came and went, no word about the MO mom. I followed up on Tuesday, January 23rd, with our caseworker- fully expecting her to say the mom had made a choice and it wasn't us. She never emailed back and I went on with my day. I was rushing out the door to get the girls to swim that evening when my phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize. but the area code was from the area our agency is in so I answered. When I answered it was our caseworker- Margaret. This is how the conversation went: Margaret: Hey Rachel its Margaret, how are you Me: Hey (mind racing 100000 miles a minute, heart beating so hard I can barely hear, reminding myself not to get too hopeful) Margaret: I saw you emailed me about the birth mother in MO and I wanted to follow up ME: okay (in my mind thinking "great she forgot to let us know she picked someone else and is now trying to smooth it over") Margaret: well Rachel I guess the question is- are you ready to be a mom again? I don't know what I said after that, besides "are you serious?" through a million tears. I remember trying frantically to get all the important details I needed but not even being able to think straight! Kevin came into the room in the midst of this and with Margaret, on speakerphone, we told him the news. He was in shock too. When we hung up we both just cried- so much joy after so much pain. The next few days are a whirlwind. We had to leave for MO 2 days after we got the call. We had to get kids situated. Pack. figure out hotel situations. It was crazy! There are a few things that stick out in those few days before Boone arrived that I never want to forget though: *The night we were matched several of my girlfriends showed up on my porch with baby goodies and took me to coffee. They helped me celebrate being matched vs worrying about the "what ifs". *Telling the kids and how they instantly wanted to go buy the baby new clothes. *How people showed up with gift cards for gas and food, random goodies we hadn't thought of, baby items and lots of hugs and prayers. *Standing in my front hallway while my friend Ashley prayed over me, this baby, his birth mom, and the whole process. * Dropping Fischer off at preschool and knowing the next time I saw him, if everything went as planned, he would seem so much older. *The millions of texts and calls full of love, prayer, and support. *The incredibly windy roads to Joplin MO. *Talking about baby names. *Friends who gave us hotel points so we could stay for free when we got there. *Writing Boone's birth mom a card and rewriting it over and over because- what do you say to the women who are giving your son life? *The fact that my big kids' lives were relatively uninterrupted as family and friends surrounded them and met their every need. *That at one point, I think, we were told we had like 7 pizzas in the fridge because people just kept bringing them. *Telling the people who worked at the hotel what was going on and when we checked out the next morning them celebrating with us as we left. When We arrived in Joplin we checked into a hotel. We were hoping that after Boone was born we would be able to stay with him at the hospital, but we also knew He was going to be 6 weeks early and so we were unsure how long he would be in the NICU. We were making plans as they came. While sitting in the hotel room the night before Boone's birth mom was to be induced (her water had been broken for a week) I received a text from our caseworker letting us know we had a room starting the next day at Ronald Mcdonald House if we wanted it. Let me tell yall, RMH became the biggest blessing to us! I expected a room and maybe shared bathrooms- imagine dorm style. That is not what we were given. We had a beautiful room, 3 meals a day, access to snacks and our own bathroom- and more than anything the SWEETEST people you could imagine caring for us. PLEASE if you are ever looking for a charity to give to consider RMH, they do so much for families with sick children! Friday, January 25th we get up early and head to Mercy Hospital to meet our caseworker. They had begun the induction process that morning so we thought surely Boone would arrive at some point that day. We settled into the waiting room and met our caseworker. She went back and forth between sitting with us and checking on Boone's birth mom, who did not want to meet us prior to delivery. We met his birth moms sister at some point that day. And were given a tour of the NICU and Ronald Mcdonald Room from one of our favorite nurses, Kathy. Eventually, we settled into the Ronald Mcdonald Room so Boones biological family could come in and out of the waiting room without us present. That day came and went with no baby. So did Saturday, in fact, there was so little progression on Saturday we were encouraged to leave the hospital for a while so we went to lunch, Target, and a movie. We ended Saturday with no baby again. Saturday night we were so exhausted yet anxious- with every hour that ticked by I felt more and more like she would change her mind and the idea of walking into our home without a baby was unbearable. At 530 AM Sunday, we received a text from our caseworker saying "She is 5 cm and thinks you guys should come back up". We jumped out of bed and were to the hospital by 630, at 640 we were told she was a 9 and they were preparing for delivery. By 930 we still hadn't heard anything. Finally our sweet friend Kathy went to find out what was going on. Apparently, we had been given false information and Boone's mom was still a 5, not a 9-punch in the gut. I felt so badly for her, this had gone on for days, I was exhausted and knew it had to be a million times worse for her! We then moved up to the Ronald McDonald Room. We hung out with our new friend. A hospital Chaplin, Sister Julie. She was such a sense of encouragement and peace in the waiting. I spent some time in the quiet room praying and resting. Then it was finally "go" time. At 12:10 I received a text that his birth mom was 6-7 cm dilated, and things were really progressing. Then 10 minutes later another text "she is an 8". Kevin and I moved down to the regular waiting room where we knew the NICU would be able to find us easily. We were told we would need to wait until He was born, transferred to the NICU and stable before we would be able to see him. Instead, they wheeled him out of labor and delivery minutes after he was born, because He was doing so good, and they had to pass the waiting room to get to the NICU they stopped- looked right at us and said: "do you want to meet your babe?". I can not describe that moment in words. He was so tiny, and perfect (5 lbs 10 oz and 18 inches long, with a head full of blonde hair) and worth every ounce of heartache. We followed them to the NICU where they made sure he was ok, and then they handed him to me. It was so surreal. Everyone calling me his mom, yet I had only just met him. I loved him instantly and that terrified me because his birth mom still had every right to change her mind. Kevin was so hands-on from the get-go. He enjoyed learning to feed this tiny little guy and we savored time getting to know him. About an hour after Boone was born his birth mom asked to see him. We knew this was her plan and weren't alarmed by it. She has other children she wanted to meet him and we wanted her to have whatever time she needed. We expected him to be gone for a while. I remember praying as I watched the nurses walk away with this baby I had just fallen in love with to make me brave. Use me in this place for this time no matter the outcome. To help me not be selfish but to truly rejoice that he was having time with the young women who had given him life. Just a few minutes later they called to say his birth mom wanted Kevin and me to come to the room too. Walking to her room my stomach was in knots. What if I said the wrong thing? What if she didn't like us in person? What if this was it and we weren't going to get to bring him home with us? Once I walked in the room though, all that fear was gone. She had family there with her and we all hugged and cried. I thanked her for choosing us, she thanked us for adopting him. We met Boone's biological siblings. We talked about her seeing our book and adoption video and why she chose us. We took pictures. It was short and sweet and perfect. 2 days later she signed her rights away to Boone, I cried both tears of joy for us and tears of sadness for her. I went to court and became his legal guardian. My sister came all the way from FL to meet Boone and help with the others. We made trips back and forth from TN to MO, one of us with the big kids and one with Boone all the time. We got to know our wonderful nurses and RMH family. I don't think I have ever been so tired. After 17 days in the NICU, we were finally discharged and brought Boone home to TN where six months later we finalized his adoption and spent the last 11 months enjoying him! Adoption is a crazy business! It is hard and comes from the utmost loss. But WORTH IT! Boone is worth every last ounce of stress, pain, and heartbreak it took to get us to him! When we chose Boone's name we wanted to be very intentional. Boone was a name we had heard years before and I always thought it was cute, when we looked it up we found that Boone means "blessing" and oh how much of a blessing he is!!! God makes no mistakes, his timing is always just right, he wastes nothing! Boone, thank you for completing our family, thank you to his birth mom for allowing us the opportunity to raise him and being the answer to a million prayers, and thank you to our sweet friends and family for your love and support on this crazy journey! BOONE FRIAR YATES January 28,2018 5 lbs 10 oz, 18 1/2 inches long

Loss...

I've debated this post the last few days. But then the words from a kind friend kept ringing back in my mind "rachel you don't have to be okay. Pursue haiti, pursue Harper full force, but this baby is a loss and that loss will never leave you, and that is ok"... I hope I can get these words out like I mean them and no one takes it wrong. I have never had a miscarriage, my heart breaks for the women who have. I know that loss must be unbelievably devestating. I also know from my friends and sister who have suffered miscarriages is that a part of the tragedy in addition to the death, the physical pain and turmoil is the loss of hope. You see as guarded as our hearts were to this domestic adoption. As many times as we told ourselves it may not work out, we had hope it would. We were counting down the days and weeks until her due date (December 19) just to know "for sure" this baby was meant for us. So when it all came crashing down, when we knew deep in our hearts this baby wasn't ours and days later when our heads finally accepted it the loss of hope set in. That devestation wrapped around me and I felt hopeless. I wept, Kevin too. Friends surrounded me in prayer and arms of love. People listened and continue to listen. I have mourned this baby. Mourning not knowing where it will end up. Mourning the selfish womb it's growing in. Mourning its future. Mourning me never knowing it's future-( revelation 21:4 "he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be Mourning, nor crying not pain anymore, for the former things have passed away") God's plans aren't mine.(Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans for welfare and not for evil to give you future and hope) He holds my future in his hand. God is holding this precious life in his hand. The hard part is me placing that child in his mighty hand, again and again. Please join us this December and every December as you hug and kiss your babe's and watch them open gifts, pray for this child- pray wherever it ends up it is so loved and treasured and more then anything pointed towards Christ daily. Knowing it is being covered in prayer for the rest of their lives makes the pain of not being their mother almost bearable... Pray for my heart, pray for my own mind that God will give me peace, pray that Harper will come home soon and the rest of our adoption will be without distraction or incident, pray that this baby won't be forgotten in any of our hearts.

Heavy hearted

We come to you all today with heavy hearts. We have walked a road for a few months with a very sad women, a broken women, a drug addicted women who sees no value in herself. A women who we strove to speak truth to, who we shared God's words with, who we prayed for. A women carrying a child we hoped to be ours. That same women made the same promise to another family, and maybe several other families. While carrying a helpless life within her she is using that life to manipulate families with the promise of adoption at the end. When we found this all out we knew we had to step away. But obviously that decision was not easy, because there is still life within her womb a baby, a soul that MATTERS and that baby I'd being born to a mother who seems to not care about it at all,and in all likely hood will not be allowed to keep it, in my mind that seems unjust and unfair. And I have wept for that child. I have wept for its mother and I have wept for myself and my husband... even though I wasn't carrying this child it still feels very much like a loss. We are grasping for thanksgiving though and therefore we have looked at this whole awful situation and found reasons for thankfulness, we ask that you Praise God with us for these things: 1.our eyes are more open to the brokenness in our world, we can no longer live in a bubble of our church friends and ignore the evil, addiction and poverty that is others daily lives. 2. We are walking away financially unscathed, God protected the funds we raised and we are so THANKFUL. The other families involved were not that lucky. 3. We shared Christ with this mother. This is 2 fold- 1 whenever God's name is spoken it brings him glory and His name has been spoken again and again throughout this process. Also even if I never speak to this mom again,we have shared Christ's love with her and maybe just maybe it has planted a seed in her heart and someday she will come to know him! Her soul matters. 4. So many have come to love this baby, and even if it never knows us and we never know them this baby has been loved, prayed for and will continue to be prayed for. 5. God has worked our hearts. He brought us to our knees before him again and again. He has shown his love for us again and again through so many who love him and we are so thankful for all who have come around us during this journey. 6. God has sealed our hearts for Haiti. He has sealed our hearts for the orphan. He has sealed our hearts for Haiti. Where we go from here: We ask that you pray for us throughout this loss. We ask that you join us in praying for this birth mom and her unborn child. As excited as we were to adopt this baby there was a part of my heart that was sad to not adopt from haiti (maybe God's voice quietly telling us our daughter was in Haiti all along), and we are EXCITED to get back on track with bringing Harper home, we can't wait to know her face, her smell and her voice. Pray specifically over november 21 and our silent auction and pancake dinner that God's presence would be obvious and his provision apparent.

Change of plans...

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his way. Kevin and I have talked about adoption since before we married. Then we had 4 kids very close, and it seemed like a crazy idea. But God wouldn't let up. After talk, prayer, debate and tears we knew God wasn't done growing our family. And we knew the way he wanted our family to expand was through adoption. We discussed every option, foster care, international amd domestic. We took a couple foster care classes amd ultimately decided it was not a fit for our family right now. We glanced at domestic but decided it too wasn't for us because we weren't necessarily looking for an infant. We ultimately leaned towards international, and after much research and prayer we chose Haiti and began pursuing a girl. Haiti is a long wait so we figured 2+ years. At the start of this process the song by Hillsong United "Oceans" came out. And I couldn't get through it without tears streaming, all I could think of was what God was calling us to with adoption: "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me, Take me deeper then my feet could ever wander and my faith be made stronger in the presence of my savior" We began paper work, we began fundraising. Everything took far longer then we imagined. We finished our homestudy and began work on our dossier, we have nothing paper work wise in haiti at this point nor do we have an official match. Those song lyrics played in my head in the deep moments of doubt with this adoption. I felt like I was doing good claiming God's promise to us to walk beside us through this adoption. I knew to pray for trust constantly: trust to travel overseas, trust to raise the needed funds, trust to bond with a child not biologically ours-those things to me were God calling me to where my trust was without borders, haiti was deeper then my feet could ever wander, and my faith was certainly being made stronger with every step! Well I am thankful that God was building my faith (Isaiah 41:10 "so do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand") in preperation for the turn our journey would take. Because now we are in the midst of a DOMESTIC ADOPTION, yes take a breath and read those words again- DOMESTIC ADOPTION. THE EXACT thing we didn't think we wanted is exactly what God called us to. I know you are asking how we got here... well I won't bore you with details. But a friend passed us the info of a lawyer who is a friend of hers, who was looking for a family to adopt this baby. We had to act quickly but ultimately put our name in as a potential. A whole lot of things have happened since but im going to be vague- the mom is no longer working with her agency and the adoption will all take place through our lawyer, the Mom has had limited medical care (we are now helping her with this)and has recently gotten out of jail. But she has selflessly chosen life for this child and we are so very very thankful for that and indebted to her for choosing us as this child's parents. So we know This is a lot to take in, it's crazy, maybe we are crazy but here is the even crazier part... she is DUE IN EARLY DECEMBER. With that being said we need your prayers now more then ever, she has every right to change her mind and at this point that would be devestating- pray for protection of our hearts, We are hopeful the baby will be born healthy but the lack of medical care and some other things give us cause for concern, please pray this baby will defy every odd and be born 100% healthy that the doctors and nurses would be in awe of our Gods powerful hand. Pray that this story will be Gods story- that we will trust in Him at every twist and turn and claim his truths. To this point we haven't had to use a lot of our funds but if this all works out we will have a lot of fees at once come up very,very quickly... legal fees, traveling costs, care for the Mother, medical expenses and preperation for bringing a newborn home we are looking likely close to 10-12,000 dollars... in A MONTH we need you guys more then ever to prayerfully consider coming beside us and giving, but ,more then anything we ask for your prayers! We have a pancake dinner and silent auction November 21, if you can attend we would love to see you there, if you can donate towards food or an auction item that would be a huge help, please let me know if you want to help. If you feel led to donate you can do so 1 of 3 ways: mail 721 silverhill Dr murfreesboro tn 37129. PayPal yates1876@gmail.com or our give forward page that I will update asap www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/jhw6 (or Google pay forward bringing harper home) We love you all and ARE SO THANKFUL FOR YOUR SUPPORT

Sofia pearl is 6

It was like yesterday but yet a lifetime ago that we welcomed our sweet Sofia into our little family. She was the 1st of my babies that I delivered drug free and it was the most humbling experience ever! Despite all our classes, talks and prep for a natural birth I had majorly underestimated the intensity in a natural birth. By the wee hours we were exhausted, both physically and emotionally, we were bound together more then even more then then before as I relied fully on Kevin for every ounce of strength when the pain seemed to much and finally when Sofia made her entrance (screaming) we felt indescribable JOY! Her life has brought us continuous joy! She is head strong, funny (I mean FUNNY), she is a friend to everyone, she is compassionate and empathetic, she is head strong and emotional! She keeps her momma and daddy on their toes! She started kindergarten this year and LOVES IT. she has made many friends, loves learning and her teacher is womderful. We are so proud of her and can't wait to see what God has in store for her life!

exhausted momma...

We are coming out of the cloud of our 1st phase of adoption. The haze of early fundraising, the phase of heavy paper work, the phase chasing around town to get medical exams, passports, finger prints, background checks, and psych evals. This last few months I don't know that I have ever been so exhausted. Every minute I have something to do, or should be doing. Either I'm at preschool, running kiddos somewhere, household chores, and then in my few minutes of non committed time I'm chasing paperwork around. But it is paying off, we are on the edge of finishing it up. Adoption is fUll of unexpected. That is what I've been told from the begining. and they weren't lieing. Here's an example. We needed local background checks. I was told to go the local city police department. So off I went. My little duckies following behind me. We were sent to 3 different offices. Then finally told they "no longer do those here". Back to the mini we traveled. I texted my AMAZING caseworker and she got right on it. After calling she discovered the police department no longer did them. So we were sent to the Rutherford county jail. While waiting for my background report a whole line of men from the jail came out, orange jump suits and all. and you know what my boys did, they high five them. The whole line of fugitives. Oh me. all I could do was laugh, I hope their day was brightened. When I went to get fingerprinted, my babe's played peek a boo with a man in an office who was obviously busy but sweet enough to entertain them so I could finish the task at hand. When I needed to have a drug screen I wasn't allowed to take the kiddos into the bathroom with me, so a nurse stood with them and played to keep them calm and entertained. The countless times I've visited the post office I have been greeted by the same kind women-always quick to ask me about our adoption and even quicker to remind me God is in control and that she is praying. While getting my passport we waited over 2 hours, the kids were a wreck but when we got in the office she made them smile and laugh and gave them crayons and paper for distractions. You see adoption can be lonely. So very isolating. Your friends are pregnang. They are feeling and knoWing and growing their child, and our child is far away, and we don't know her, or even if she is born yet. Yet we are fightiNg for her. Fighting to finance her homecoming, and by the grace of God and kindness of people we are. We are fighting the nay sayers, those who think we are crazy. Those who think we have "enough" kids. Those who think we are selfish to adopt. We are fighting the busyness of our schedules to finish paperwork. Appointments. And deadlines. Losing sleep as we stay up late to do trainings. And we don't even know her yet. But oh how we love her. We crave to know her, crave to touch her, kiss her and call her ours. God is growing us through this. Every time the devil beats us down the holy spirit moves and God's presence is seen again. I don't really know the ppint of this post, I guess it comes from exhaustion ☺

happy 2nd birthday Fischer jonathan

Fischer, You my sweet baby are 2! Your 2 years of life have flown by but at the same time oh how I have savored you. I have held you every time you awoke at nighg. I have sat and cuddled you and ignored chores simply because you asked. You are truly our baby. We have never had a 2 year old and not already added on anot her sibling so it's safe to safe you are spoiled ☺ You are very talkative. you have spoken in full sentences for several months and you love to chat. You make everyone laugh bc you talk so much. You have the best grin. The best laugh. Your happiness is contagious. You are an amazing cuddle bug. You always want to sit on our laps, cuddle us, suck your thumb and rub our arms-always. You brother gave you one of his blanket and it has become a huge attachment for you. It is so sweet seeing you sucking your thumb and holding your blankie. You love jumping on the trampoline and will jump until you are red faced and puffing. You love to swing and giggle the whole time! You love to ride the 4 Wheeler with rei and he is so patient letting you on and off at your whim. You and Reiter both love trucks and tractors and "drive" them around everywhere Making truck noises. You both take at least 1 to bed every night! I taught preschool Tuesday and Thursdays this year so you attended school. You did so well and love talking about your friends, especially tinsley. You love music and chapel and are so cute walking on your rope with friends. But momma missed you to much this year. So next year you and I will be back home, I just want to continue savoring these toddler days with you! Fischer we pray you come to know our God who "wuvs" you and "made me and you and everything". Because as much as I love you God loves you infinitley more! We pray you are a man of integrity. We pray you always see the weaker person aND make it a priority to care for them. We pray you are a gentlemaN. We pray you have a heart for your family. We pray you know how proud we are of you and how much we love You. You keep telling us your "13", that will be here soon enough I'm sure. For tonight happy 2nd birthday my chubby, sweet, loving baby boy!

happy 7th birthday my love

Averi noe'l This week you turned 7. I really don't know how that happened. 7 seems like a big big kid. 7 seems very grown up,and in my momma heart there will always be a part of me that thinks of you as my baby! From the day you were born and I held you and kissed you and fell in love with every little feature on your face I prayed for Jesus to steAL your heart. I see the holy spirit stirring questions in you and some times I feel inadequate to newer them, but God is gracious and gives me the response you need. I pray you lays seek answers to your questions, and that you are always able to trust us to help you! I pray you come to know jesus, and that he uses you in bigger ways then we can imagine! This year you have lost 4 teeth! I loved your toothless grin when you first lost the top 2! You have thrived in 1st grade. You love to read and finished your first chapter book on your own! You love math and received the math award for your class this semester! you also adore puzzles, you can do a 100 piece puzzle in less then an hour on your own. You love to have your own notebooks and pens or markers or pencils. You write us letters and notes all the time that say things like "I love you because your my mom" or "you're a great dad because your my dad"...they are always so sweet and make us feel very special! You have just entered the tablet world and I'm sure if dad and I didn't closely monitor it you would play on it for several hours, most school days you don't get a chance to play it tho and your time is very limited on the weekend. you look so grown up when you are playing on it! We took a girls weekend to Atlanta and you were able to pick out your 1st American girl, you have never been a huge baby doll player like your sister, but this Julie doll has become your faborite! You take her everywhere and are always dressing it! Our trip to American girl was such a fun and special mother-daughters time and I'm so thankful we were given that opportunity! You love your friends, especially our neighbors Chloe and Laila as well as your school friends you love to talk about! I love coming to lunch with you or help in your classroom and seeing you interact with them! Your best friend is your sister. You hardly fight but are instead best friends. You play together well and giggle almost nightly until you fall asleep. Sofia loves to sleep in your bed with yoy, and even when I can tell you want some space you let her and that blesses my heart! We miss you while you are at school but are so very proud of how well you have done there! You are playing soccer again and sister you are rocking it this season. You have finally gotten a streak of aggressiveNess and seeing you hustle thrills me! You seem so confident on the field, such a change from the 4 year old we had to bribe to kick the ball! you are also in gymnastics and I'm so proud of how hard you work there. You and Sofia have lots of friends in your class and I love watching you talk and enjoy them while you pracTice! my favorite thing we have done this year is American Heritage Girls! Its a Christian centered scout troop and I have had the joy of being one of your leaders! We have had 2 lock ins and several events where we have been able to serve together and that has been a such a privilege! Averi I wish I could lock you in at 7. I love everything about you right now. But I say that every year, and I don't want to miss the amazing things I know God has in store for you sweet girl! Know you are unconditionally loved baby girl. You are so precious. It is a true honor to call you daughter and I feel blessed every time you call me momma! Here's to 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harper's "other mom"

When we pray at night with our kids before bed we pray for Harper. They utter sweet prayers like "keep harper safe", "bring Harper Home soon", "help Harper like it here", "I hope Harper is having fun in Haiti if she is born", every time I hear them pray for her it wedges her farther into our hearts and etches this sweet spot into our family portrait that is awaiting her arrival. Lately my sweet tender hearted girl has been praying for Harper's "other mom"... Her prayer tonight was "keep Harper safe in her 'other' mommy's belly if she isn't born and if she is make her mommy happy without her". First I felt a sting. I'm Harper's mom, her real mom, her meant to be mom-not her 'other' mom.But i also know in another world their is a women or will be a women who will carry our daughter. Who despite her circumstances is choosing or has chosen life for our daughter. And she is Harper's real mom too. First I know adoption isn't meant to be. If sin wasn't in the world all children would be in perfect families with love but we live in a fallen world. As a result there are babies and children everywhere who need homes and love and care. Every believer is called to orphan care. Every believer is called to support orphans until there are no more. Some like us are called to parent one. Others are called to give and advocate on the orphans behalf. And all are called to pray! So, since adoption is. Since orphans are. Since God has called us to Harper. The 'other' mom is. I think of her a lot. If she is pregnant, feeling our daughter move, knowing her from the start. She is facing the hardest choice any women can imagine She is choosing what happens to her daughter. Our daughter. And that is a burden that breaks my heart for her. I want her to know how very thankful we are for her choice to give her daughter life. When harper is born and she makes the choice to let her go I want so badly for God to give her a peace that she is going to a family who Will love her. Love her in good moments and bad. Love her when she is sick and well. Love her when she is throwing fits or laughing hysterically. Love her as she grows and becomes a women. That we will comfort her and pray for her always. I just want her to have so much more peace then I can imagine having in her shoes. Please join me in praying for her. Please join me in preparing my heart to mother harper in the way she needs. AS well as praying for me as I mourn not being there for Harper's birth and probably her 1st and even 2nd birthday, my momma heart wants to be there for these milestones. But I know God is writing Harper a beautiful story, and I'm thankful to be a part.

back?

Back to blogging? I hope so. I want to be. I honestly don't know what has kept me from blogging this last nearly year. Was I to busy? Maybe. Was I to tired? Sure. Was I overwhelmed? Sometimes. Well, I don't know, I can't give you clear answer. I sat down several times and considered what I would write here, and words escaped me. You see this last year has been busy, yes, has been exhausting and certainly overwhelming at times. But more then that I've literally been standing in awe of what God is doing I our home and family and when I have wanted to put that on paper (or the blog) I fear my words can't justify all he has done. So I pray you'll hear my heart. This last year our babies have grown. Averi turns 7 in few weeks. Sofia starts kindergarten in the fall. Reiter is 3 and living it up 2 days a week at preschool. And our sweet baby Fischer is nearly 2 (insert loud momma sobs)... kevin is working hard as always, serving in celebrate recovery at church and as a deacon As well as Co leading our wonderful small group. I took on teaching 2 days a week at preschool which has been such a joy to me. I've learned so much from the women who I have had the joy to teach beside, specifically my Co teacher Tammy. She is such a lover of Jesus, her husband, her family and her preschool kiddos- I pray I can put so much of her lifestyle into practice into my day to day, she is an encourage and a confidant and I knew day 1 I didn't want to just be her Co teacher I wanted to be her friend and I am so very thankful God granted me that desire of my heart. After a ton of prayer and agonizing I knew God was telling me no to returning next year as a teacher. AS much joy as I feel at preschool I feel like God just wants me home savoring this little window before my boys go to school as well as preparing us for our biggest transition yet... because as most of you know... we are adopting! So here is where the nitty gritty hits. I want my heart to be heard as I talk about our adoption. So please hear don't just read. We have 4 young children. And when Fischer was born we knew we were done (unless Gof miraculously intervened) having biological children, and potentially our family was complete. We brought Fischer home from the hospital and our home was bursting at the seams with chaotic joy. But in that joy God placed a void in my heart. A burning passion. A desire for orphans. I knew our finances. I knew our exhaustion, I knew what I thought were our limits. And I told God maybe later, maybe when our kids got older maybe we could just give to someone else to help them adopt. But God kept bringing me back. I couldn't pray or read the bible or be in church service without the statistics of orphans playing on my head. Without the image of children without families weighing down my heart. So kevin and I talked. He saw my heart, bless him. But it took him a while to work it out. He is our provider, so the finances of adoption and the care of 5 kids weighs heavy on him. He prayed. He prayed a lot. When I asked him his thoughts he simply told me to let him pray. I had to be quiet, when I wanted a yes and enthusiasm I told God. And after about a year God united our hearts, because that's the beauty of Christmas in marriage- he wants you united, he wants you like minded, and if you wait on him he will bring you to the same conclusions. So we prayed, God if this is what you want make your way clear to us. Provide our application fee in a miraculous way that we can't deny is from you. And he did. Heven sent a sweet old man in sams club who didn't know us. Who didn't know we were talking about adoption. But God stirred in his heart to pursue us. So here I was in sams with all my babe's just before christmas. our Christmas gifts were bought. Our kids well provided for. I know there was others who needed this $ more then we did. And here comes this sweet man, in a gray coat with matching cap. He says "you have lovely kids" I say "oh thank you!" And he says "I want you all to have a merry Christmas and hands me a wad of cash. By the time I looked at the money and looked up he was to far away to hear me protest keeping it. Then I counted it. It was exactly our application fee. God knew we needed that tangible sign of where and what he was calling us to. So we said yes. It took time. We explored options. We finally landed on haiti. We are pursuing a daughter. Her name will be harper. God is writing her story. She will come home and we will forever be indebted to all who loved us and helped us bring her home. I will try to share more of our journey. Of all God is doing to bring her to us. He is working and I am humbled to be a part of his plan. #bringingharperhome

Reiter

I wanna take a pause and talk about my sweet big boy, Reiter. We are busy ALL THE TIME! and With 4 young kiddos we literally NEVER stop moving, going, picking up, dropping off, playing, cooking cleaning and somewhere in there sleeping. But I really wish I could freeze where my boy is right now. He is in this neat spot where he is no longer a toddler but not yet a big boy. He loves trucks and cars and trains. And instead of just pushing them around making sound effects I now hear him say things like "all aboard", "get on", "I take you there... hoooollllddd on". He has an amazing imagination and I really love watching him use it. He really enjoys playing house with his sisters and is always the daddy (imagine that), when in his role he uses this VERY deep voice and bosses everyone around. IT IS HILARIOUS! He is very very shy in new situations but he is usually quick to warm up. He is obsessed with his blankie and it accompanies us everywhere! He is a mommas boy and loves too cuddle and usually ends up in our bed at night. But He adores "working" with Kevin, he helps mow the yard with his own mower, he gathers up sticks for the fire, He loves to ride in Kevs truck with him. He also is potty training and is ROCKING IT OUT! We have attempted twice before with no success. But this time he is doing awesome. He has had some accidents but over all he is really trying to get to the potty and upset when he doesnt make it. I am so proud of him and can not believe my little baby is about to be 3!!!!

fischer is 1

well fischer is obviously baby number 4. I got behind on his monthly posts. I am almost a month late on his 1 year post! But you know what, oh well! If I have learned anything from my sweet fischer it is to slow down, not sweat the small stuff and just enjoy life. Fischer was 10 days late. 10 long long days. 10 days that I thought would never come to an end. And then they did. Contractions came, finally. Water was broken and after 24+ hours my precious baby came into the world. I have vivid memories of his birth. I remember standing and swaying in the shower singing praises to Jesus between contractions and praying for strength to ride out another one when it hit. I remember the strength of his daddy holding my while I leaned on him through a contraction so strong I was unsure my legs would hold me up. I remember laughing with our nurse and her telling me over and over to relax my face, my hands, my whole body. I remember staring at my mother in laws bag and reading "jans junk" over and over until the wave passed. I remember trying not to push when he decided to come after minutes before being told I was 6 cm and everyone leaving the room :) I remember pushing and thinking, this is the last time I will do this and being so happy yet sad at the same time. I remember pulling him up to my chest and him screaming, he was here, he was all mine. God had blessed us with a 4th precious, healthy baby. I am so thankful. This last year hasnt always been easy. 4 young kids is a lot of kids. I have had to learn how to balance, juggle, fail, thrive, and divide my time daily. I have had moments I have felt great joy and moments I have wondered how I was going to make it to bed time. One thing I have done though is enjoyed my children. I have enjoyed fischer as a baby, never once wishing time would hurry or he would get past a phase to make my day easier. When he woke at night I nursed him, sometimes begrudginly as I got out of bed but once we were cuddled in his rocking chair always with great joy :). I have breathed him in and held him close. I have babied him. I have learned to teach my girls how to help me by caring for their brothers, or helping me cook and set the table- recognizing that often times it takes longer and is always messier but is a lot more fun. I have watched my first son turn from a baby to a toddler and on the verge of a little boy so full of life and energy. Having a 4th child has grown my marriage. I have had to rely on kevin for more help. He has learned a new level of appreciation for me and all I do. He is wonderful, he serves us with such patience and I would be lost without him. We are thankful to God for our beautiful children. Thankful that God always has a plan, He planned our family and He has carried us through the last year and will continue to do so. Fischer being 1 is bittersweet. He is growing and thriving and I am happy for him. But he is my baby, he will always be my baby and that momma heart of mine it isn't quite ready to let him grow up!

6

6 years ago this girl

made me a momma. She grew me in ways I never knew. She taught me patience, she taught me what it meant to be selflin the ess, she taught me what unconditional love was, she taught me endurance, she taught me so much more then I can ever teach her! She is the kindest little girl you will ever meet. She is not loud or outgoing per say, but she is EVERYONES friend. She is just plain sweet!She watches out for her brothers and sister and they all look up to her. She is my biggest helper and does so usually with a very good attitude! She looks more like her daddy and has his personality to match! I was so worried about her heading to kindergarten last year and I realize now that my fears were silly. She has excelled! She has made friends, is well liked by her teacher, is reading and writing, adding and subtracting and has been placed "above" on all her report cards! She has only moved her clip down once "for talking in the backpack room" so needless to say her behavior has been great. I am one proud momma! I have missed her this year. Some days I wanted to just go snag her away, but instead I went and ate lunch with her! Her being at school is hard for me, I like to have all my chicks at home, but watching her flourish has been a pure joy! I am very ready to have her sweet self home all summer though! I am so thankful for another year to drink my big girl in! HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY Averi Noe'l!

Vacation

A while back a friend at Kevins office offered us her beach condo on Hilton Head Island for a majorely discounted price! We of course said YES! We took Kevins parents a long and had an awesome time. We spent a lot of time at the beach that we were able to walk the boardwalk from our condo to, we also spent a lot of time at the pool, the adults played cards and caught up on reading and shows. It was perfect! Our 1st day we were there we took the kids to a train museum in Savannah. They were able to explore some trains, we had a picnic lunch and ended it with a train ride. Reiter especially LOVED it! He kept saying "all aboard the choo choo train". We also took the kids on a dolphin tour. We went out on a boat and watched for Dolphins. The kids thought this was fun for the 1st 10 minutes and then were more interested in playing with the Captains black lab lol. The highlight of our week for our kids was the Pirate ship. The kids were dressed as Pirates, given painted on mustaches and scars, and were given Pirate names: "angel fish Averi", "Star fish Sofia", "rip tide Reiter", "tadpole" for fischer! They took us out on a boat and we found a treasure out in the ocean that "stinky pete" was trying to steal. The kids even got to spray "stinky pete" with cannons(water pistols)... It was a total blast! Hilton Head was beautiful and very family friendly, we want to make it a yearly thing!

home...

we moved 3 weeks ago. We have worked our rear ends of and slowly but surely the "new house" has slowly become our "new home". It is a wonderful feeling. It is awesome to know you are investing somewhere you will be long term. I love standing back and figuring out exactly what we want and how we want it! our neighbors have been awesome. They are kind, they have reached out to us. The little girl across the street has played with Av everyday and her parents are just the sweetest. We wanted and prayed for a neighborhood where our kids would have friends and watching that come to fruition is SO EXCITING! Kevin, bless him, has been especially hard at work. On top of working his regular job he has hung curtains, hung pictures, put beds together and now a long with some buddies he is building me a sofa table (they finished late last night) and a farm house style kitchen table! I had no idea how handy he really was :) We are so excited to be on the other side of our move! I know so many people have asked to see more pictures of the new house, and I promise I will, when the time allows!

this house...

Three and a half years ago we moved to murfreesboro. We moved into this rental house and could not have been happier.

We had 2 kids, Av and Sof and they were SO little!

We have since bought a new home

While we are THRILLED and EXCITED and SO PUMPED to get into our new house it is extremely bittersweet. We love the home we are in. It holds the majority of our families memories. We have brought both of our sons home here. Our daughters do not remember any home but this one. We have hosted countless birthdays. Watched our children open Christmas gifts here. Watched as 2 of them took their 1st steps. We have rocked our babies here. Been up all night with newborns and sick children. We know the creaks the floor makes. That the microwave is to loud and the dishwasher is too. We have played and played and played in our back yard and formed deep friendships with kind neighbors. We have walked the neighborhood a million times as our kids have rode bikes rode in the wagon or the stroller. It is a precious house. It is home. Here it is to new memories, here is goodbye to our first real home and hello to what we hope is our FOREVER home!

Fischer is 9 months...

9 months is always a monumental month for me.It is hard to swallow. Hard for me to realize that my baby has been on the outside nearly as long as they were on the inside. Realization that they are on the verge of toddler hood and rapidly leaving the infant stage behind. But in the same breath it is a fun milestone. Especially for Fischer. In the last month he popped through 1 tooth, his first. Which was crazy because none of my other children got teeth until after their 1st birthdays. He started army crawling then less then a week later began to rock on all 4 then a couple days later started pulling up and on wednesday began cruising! I mean seriously Fischer could you spread it out a little! He is still a mommas boy, loves to be held and cuddled but since he has figured out how to crawl he is very wiggly. He is FINALLY sleeping through the night and nursing 4-5 times a day. He LOVES his siblings and Sofia still thinks he is her baby doll! We love you Fischer Jonathan!