craziness...

I am at work and have a moment of down time. Let me just say this last few weeks has been a struggle! I am sure a lot of it has to do with being pregnant and my hormones going buckwild but still life has seemed to be insanity!
I LOVE my job! When I say LOVE I mean LOVE. The people I work with are terrific, the job fits me to a tea, and I feel like what I do actually means something. If you ask Averi what mommy does she will tell you "mommy takes care of tiny babies" that to me is precious! I have been pretty sick with this bambino which makes everything exceedingly difficult tho, my midwife gave me some much needed relief however when she called me in a prescription for zofran, if I do not take it right at the 6 hour mark tho I am in big trouble! We took a mini vacation to Louisville last week, it was quick but needed...it was so nice to see our friends and visit family! I also took the girls to eastern KY to visit with my Nana (kev had to work) it was wonderful.
So I find working conflicting. I am incredibly blessed to have a job that allows me so much flexibility with my days, I often am able to schedule myself 3 days in a row then have 5 or 6 days off before I do another 3. The last few weeks have been especially insane because of traveling and then of course the holidays, I have to remind myself that it will not always be this way!
The hardest aspect of working is how hard it can make it to become involved with other moms, I was consistently going to a Wednesday night bible study and thoroughly enjoyed my small group there but have had to miss several weeks of it because of working. I also had planned to join MOPS but that did not work out. Kevin and I love serving in our college group but have had a more difficult time finding a Sunday school class with which to connect in, please continue to uplift that in your prayers!
We love living here in TN we love being closer to family and are making friendships and building relationships at our church. Mine working has relieved so many financial burdens for us and in that regard has made life a lot more calm. Kev does incredibly well with the girls and the house when I am not around and for that I am thankful. It is so hard for me to relinquish those tasks to him though because being a wife and mom is my joy and being a wife and mom to me includes the house work and the majority of things related to the girls! I will admit a part of me still strongly desires to stay home full time, it would be my dream job. But the other part of me enjoys being a help to our family financially, especially because I so enjoy my job... it is contradicting emotions I suppose!
I cant help but already stress about how everything will work when this new baby arrives. Kevin reminds me over and over that Gods hand is over us, that He is always sovereign and his plan is perfection but I still stress out over the legistics!
Things should begin to ease up a bit in a few weeks, once I pass up this 1st trimester I will feel better and that will help so much. Also Kevin's job has been incredibly time consuming and stressful the last month so once that calms down that will help as well. We also have a new sitter starting the 2ND week of Jan. I currently sleep at my in laws after I work night shift and my sister in law keeps the girls there but one of the college girls graciously offered to come to our house and do it for the same price (God is so good) this will be extra nice so the girls and I wont have to spend so much time in the car. There is not a point to this post I suppose. I just wanted to record where we were at at this busy moment. God has richly blessed us, I know he will continue to do so!

christmas tree and some cookies

several weeks ago we put up the christmas tree, baked cookies and spent the evening as a family. It was so fun to see Averi get so into it!It made me extra excited for Christmas this year!

My hat mom!

this was one of those moments I found my daughter utterly gross yet terribly hilarious, I couldnt help but catch it on camera... she came out of the bathroom and told me "my hat mom...this my hat"

thanksgiving...

We spent thanksgiving at Kevins uncles house, we have spent all but one thanksgiving there since we started dating and it is always an incredibly sweet time with family! I can not say enough how blessed we are to have so much support from all of Kevins family! I am most thankful I married into such a loving family.

sweet suprise...

so here we are 5 weeks pregnant. It has begun to sink in that we will have 3 little ones under three years old in a short nine months. And as insanely nervous as that makes me I must admit since the initial shock has worn off I am begining to feel very excited. I try so hard to not let myself get too excited because of all the "what ifs" but I have to admit, we have already discussed names, we have already decided on the name for a boy (this was decided long before we were pregnant), we have discussed who will sleep where and what needs to be done to prepare before the big day. But as excited as I am I also worry. I fret over every little thing! I am in a constant state of concern over whether or not I will miscarry whether or not I will carry this baby to term and bring home a healthy baby to join our family. I was the same way with Sofie...I myself have never experienced a miscarriage or any major complications with either Averi or Sofie but oh how I worry. I have seen the pain in that loss, I have watched my sister lose babies and friends lose babies,it is a pain I dont want to experience. But what I fail to remember is this baby is not mine. This baby is not Kevins. This baby belongs to my heavenly father. My Father who crafted me in my mothers womb, who crafted Kevin in his mothers and who crafted Averi and Sofie so perfectly in my womb. How can I doubt a God who has given me so much, how can I say I trust him with all yet struggle so severely to hand him the tiny tiny life inside of me and say let his will be done, when in fact whether I say it or not it will be.
It is amazing how deeply you can love a baby so small, but I do! I do not however love this baby more then my Lord and Savior, and he has called me to trust, he has called me to give him everything my marriage my children I can physically hold and my child who is within me. So I will, when the "what ifs" enter my mind I will say
Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
No matter what my God is good, he is sovereign and he is worthy of my trust!