sweet suprise...

so here we are 5 weeks pregnant. It has begun to sink in that we will have 3 little ones under three years old in a short nine months. And as insanely nervous as that makes me I must admit since the initial shock has worn off I am begining to feel very excited. I try so hard to not let myself get too excited because of all the "what ifs" but I have to admit, we have already discussed names, we have already decided on the name for a boy (this was decided long before we were pregnant), we have discussed who will sleep where and what needs to be done to prepare before the big day. But as excited as I am I also worry. I fret over every little thing! I am in a constant state of concern over whether or not I will miscarry whether or not I will carry this baby to term and bring home a healthy baby to join our family. I was the same way with Sofie...I myself have never experienced a miscarriage or any major complications with either Averi or Sofie but oh how I worry. I have seen the pain in that loss, I have watched my sister lose babies and friends lose babies,it is a pain I dont want to experience. But what I fail to remember is this baby is not mine. This baby is not Kevins. This baby belongs to my heavenly father. My Father who crafted me in my mothers womb, who crafted Kevin in his mothers and who crafted Averi and Sofie so perfectly in my womb. How can I doubt a God who has given me so much, how can I say I trust him with all yet struggle so severely to hand him the tiny tiny life inside of me and say let his will be done, when in fact whether I say it or not it will be.
It is amazing how deeply you can love a baby so small, but I do! I do not however love this baby more then my Lord and Savior, and he has called me to trust, he has called me to give him everything my marriage my children I can physically hold and my child who is within me. So I will, when the "what ifs" enter my mind I will say
Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
No matter what my God is good, he is sovereign and he is worthy of my trust!