Sunday, November 15, 2015

Loss...

I've debated this post the last few days. But then the words from a kind friend kept ringing back in my mind "rachel you don't have to be okay. Pursue haiti, pursue Harper full force, but this baby is a loss and that loss will never leave you, and that is ok"... I hope I can get these words out like I mean them and no one takes it wrong. I have never had a miscarriage, my heart breaks for the women who have. I know that loss must be unbelievably devestating. I also know from my friends and sister who have suffered miscarriages is that a part of the tragedy in addition to the death, the physical pain and turmoil is the loss of hope. You see as guarded as our hearts were to this domestic adoption. As many times as we told ourselves it may not work out, we had hope it would. We were counting down the days and weeks until her due date (December 19) just to know "for sure" this baby was meant for us. So when it all came crashing down, when we knew deep in our hearts this baby wasn't ours and days later when our heads finally accepted it the loss of hope set in. That devestation wrapped around me and I felt hopeless. I wept, Kevin too. Friends surrounded me in prayer and arms of love. People listened and continue to listen. I have mourned this baby. Mourning not knowing where it will end up. Mourning the selfish womb it's growing in. Mourning its future. Mourning me never knowing it's future-( revelation 21:4 "he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be Mourning, nor crying not pain anymore, for the former things have passed away") God's plans aren't mine.(Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans for welfare and not for evil to give you future and hope) He holds my future in his hand. God is holding this precious life in his hand. The hard part is me placing that child in his mighty hand, again and again. Please join us this December and every December as you hug and kiss your babe's and watch them open gifts, pray for this child- pray wherever it ends up it is so loved and treasured and more then anything pointed towards Christ daily. Knowing it is being covered in prayer for the rest of their lives makes the pain of not being their mother almost bearable... Pray for my heart, pray for my own mind that God will give me peace, pray that Harper will come home soon and the rest of our adoption will be without distraction or incident, pray that this baby won't be forgotten in any of our hearts.

6 comments:

oakleyses said...

canada goose outlet, doudoune moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, swarovski, canada goose, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, wedding dresses, juicy couture outlet, moncler, coach outlet, pandora charms, thomas sabo, canada goose uk, marc jacobs, links of london, toms shoes, montre pas cher, moncler outlet, ugg pas cher, louis vuitton, canada goose jackets, swarovski crystal, moncler, moncler, supra shoes, ugg, pandora jewelry, ugg uk, canada goose, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, juicy couture outlet, canada goose outlet, replica watches, moncler uk, louis vuitton, moncler outlet, pandora uk, louis vuitton, moncler, pandora jewelry, karen millen uk, canada goose, hollister, louis vuitton

oakleyses said...

ugg boots, louis vuitton outlet, replica watches, polo ralph lauren outlet online, louis vuitton, uggs on sale, longchamp outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike roshe, nike free run, louboutin pas cher, christian louboutin uk, nike air max, nike outlet, air max, prada handbags, longchamp outlet, longchamp outlet, polo ralph lauren, sac longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton, jordan shoes, tiffany and co, longchamp pas cher, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, oakley sunglasses, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet, burberry pas cher, nike air max, ray ban sunglasses, jordan pas cher, ugg boots, nike free, polo outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, chanel handbags, tiffany jewelry, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, oakley sunglasses wholesale, christian louboutin outlet, gucci handbags, christian louboutin, michael kors pas cher, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade outlet

oakleyses said...

vans pas cher, true religion outlet, north face uk, nike air max uk, burberry handbags, converse pas cher, burberry outlet, sac vanessa bruno, lululemon canada, coach purses, true religion outlet, abercrombie and fitch uk, guess pas cher, new balance, coach outlet store online, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet, nike air max, timberland pas cher, polo lacoste, hollister pas cher, mulberry uk, michael kors, nike air force, coach outlet, north face, ralph lauren uk, hogan outlet, michael kors outlet online, michael kors, oakley pas cher, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, nike free uk, ray ban uk, kate spade, nike blazer pas cher, true religion jeans, nike roshe run uk, hollister uk, sac hermes, uggs outlet, nike air max uk, nike tn, michael kors outlet, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, replica handbags

oakleyses said...

converse, babyliss, instyler, ghd hair, hermes belt, wedding dresses, abercrombie and fitch, longchamp uk, north face outlet, celine handbags, ralph lauren, reebok outlet, valentino shoes, mcm handbags, soccer shoes, nike trainers uk, bottega veneta, lancel, nike air max, lululemon, asics running shoes, nike air max, soccer jerseys, converse outlet, nike roshe run, jimmy choo outlet, hollister, iphone cases, beats by dre, louboutin, hollister, nike huaraches, ferragamo shoes, p90x workout, new balance shoes, mont blanc pens, nfl jerseys, chi flat iron, vans outlet, mac cosmetics, baseball bats, north face outlet, vans, herve leger, insanity workout, ray ban, gucci, hollister clothing, timberland boots, oakley

oakleyses said...

doudoune moncler, wedding dresses, juicy couture outlet, replica watches, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, moncler, canada goose, pandora jewelry, canada goose outlet, moncler outlet, pandora jewelry, toms shoes, moncler, canada goose outlet, links of london, moncler, juicy couture outlet, ugg, canada goose, canada goose, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, louis vuitton, ugg uk, montre pas cher, supra shoes, canada goose jackets, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, thomas sabo, moncler outlet, pandora charms, hollister, moncler uk, coach outlet, karen millen uk, pandora uk, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, moncler, swarovski, canada goose uk, marc jacobs, swarovski crystal

PaweĊ‚ Nwrot said...

forina pure