Boone

As you can see, I stopped blogging a few years ago. I stopped because it is so easy to share life with friends and family nowadays through Instagram and Facebook, and I stopped because after my last post in 2015 I could not hardly bring myself to log back in and see what I had written, because- it hurt to my bones to relive. But, Boone is here, and the mourning and grief the last years have brought, are turning into joy and elation every time I look at this sweet boy. I wish I could say that our adoption story was unusually hard, but I find in this community of adoptive families, it isn't. Every adoption, like every child, is different, and God doesn't cease to use those opportunities to grow and prepare you to parent the child he has pre-ordained for your family. With that said, I will probably not be back to blogging. But I wanted to share Boone's story here, just like I did his other siblings. We waited 1181 days for Boone. But we felt Gods call on our hearts for adoption for years (Rachel since Highschool), we spent time praying over adoption, contemplating the "what ifs" with it, worrying about the financial aspects if we said yes. When we finally said "yes", we were all in, we were excited and ready to move forward. We chose to pursue international adoption. We chose an agency, we fundraised, we worked on our home study. Then, just as we were ready to submit our dossier paperwork to our agency we were told of a birth mother who wanted to place her baby for adoption and was due in a couple months. We paused the International adoption process and pursued that baby with that mom, it didn't work out and we walked away after a month completely devastated. We mourned. We cried, a lot. But we jumped back on the international adoption train. Sure we were just momentarily distracted and we were supposed to pursue international all along. We made a million (around there) copies and sent everything into our agency for our dossier. Then We were told they were discouraging families from pursuing the country we had chosen anymore for various, serious, reasons. This is the moment where I started to pull away from sharing our adoption journey so openly. It was like two punches in the gut back to back and I simply could not allow a lot of people into what I was feeling. Repeating how everything was not working out was simply too hard. We stepped away from the international program, and we mourned again. Wondering if we were truly tough enough to pursue adoption. We decided to keep trying and switched to our agencies Domestic program, God had used the hurt we felt in our failed adoption to open our eyes to the need for adoptive parents right here, He truly does not waste a thing. After switching programs, we felt rejuvenated and excited. We were open to so many things, surely a birth mom would pick us quickly- right? Wrong. We finished the new home-study, applied for grants, continued fundraising, started a nursery... I checked my phone at least 100 times a day the first few months, and nothing happened- deafening silence from our agency. Until January of 2017. When we got a call about a little boy in Hong Kong. He had some special needs they said, but would we consider pursuing him? We agonized over his picture. We had his profile shown to several doctors. We talked, we prayed, we said "yes". Then Hong Kong said "No" to us, we had 1 too many biological children for them to approve us, no exception. Again, the rejection that comes with being so willing and open hit us like a wave. We asked God "why" did he keep saying "no". We struggled to reason why we felt called to something so clearly, yet it felt like every way we turned we were shut down. We felt completely alone in our frustration and grief. I felt betrayed by God, struggling to believe he loved me. During that season I confided in my dear friend Jessie, what I was feeling. I gave words to everything I felt that felt shameful and wrong to say. I wept on the phone telling her I was mad at God, I was frustrated and felt betrayed by him and like He was being cruel. I told her I didn't think adoption was ever going to happen for us and that I may be "done" trying. This friend responded in the best way, she said she was sorry, she said it did suck and it was okay to feel what I felt and she said she loved me just the same. Then she worked with my husband and surprised me that very night with tickets to see Lauren Daigle and Hillsong United, I didn't make it one song before I was weeping. We spent hours singing praises to God, pouring out my heart to him and facing him head-on. I realized I needed a "break" from everything and got off social media completely and spent the summer just enjoying my big kids, Kevin and my relationship with God. It was refreshing and necessary and just what I needed. I started out the fall rejuvenated and so did Kevin. After talking with our agency and realizing that the fact that we already had a larger family had presented a larger issues with birth moms then we ever anticipated we decided that since our children were older, and our life much different then when we had started the adoption process we would begin considering foster care instead. We took 6 weeks of classes and began the home-study process. The whole thing was moving along smoothly, and we honestly enjoyed the whole process. We were nervous for how fostering would look, and what effect it would have on our home, But excited to invest in orphans and finally put the burn in our hearts into action. We finished up everything the beginning of January and waited, anxiously, to hear from the state if we had been approved. While we worked on becoming licensed for foster care, we allowed our profile to continue to be shown through our agency, just in case. We had no real hope at this point of a birth mom choosing us. On Friday, January 19th, however, we were sent an "urgent" case, a birth mom in MO, who was 33 weeks pregnant with a baby boy and her water had broken. She would likely have the baby the next week. I asked Kevin if we should say yes to being shown. He said No initially. He was ready to move on to fostering and didn't want to watch me go through the pain of another birth mom not choosing us, this was birth mom #53! Initially, I accepted his "no" but a few hours later I asked him again, just to be shown one more time, he reluctantly agreed. I told our agency yes. Then I didn't give it a second thought. We had been shown so much, we were almost ready to start fostering, we had been told no so many times already. The weekend came and went, no word about the MO mom. I followed up on Tuesday, January 23rd, with our caseworker- fully expecting her to say the mom had made a choice and it wasn't us. She never emailed back and I went on with my day. I was rushing out the door to get the girls to swim that evening when my phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize. but the area code was from the area our agency is in so I answered. When I answered it was our caseworker- Margaret. This is how the conversation went: Margaret: Hey Rachel its Margaret, how are you Me: Hey (mind racing 100000 miles a minute, heart beating so hard I can barely hear, reminding myself not to get too hopeful) Margaret: I saw you emailed me about the birth mother in MO and I wanted to follow up ME: okay (in my mind thinking "great she forgot to let us know she picked someone else and is now trying to smooth it over") Margaret: well Rachel I guess the question is- are you ready to be a mom again? I don't know what I said after that, besides "are you serious?" through a million tears. I remember trying frantically to get all the important details I needed but not even being able to think straight! Kevin came into the room in the midst of this and with Margaret, on speakerphone, we told him the news. He was in shock too. When we hung up we both just cried- so much joy after so much pain. The next few days are a whirlwind. We had to leave for MO 2 days after we got the call. We had to get kids situated. Pack. figure out hotel situations. It was crazy! There are a few things that stick out in those few days before Boone arrived that I never want to forget though: *The night we were matched several of my girlfriends showed up on my porch with baby goodies and took me to coffee. They helped me celebrate being matched vs worrying about the "what ifs". *Telling the kids and how they instantly wanted to go buy the baby new clothes. *How people showed up with gift cards for gas and food, random goodies we hadn't thought of, baby items and lots of hugs and prayers. *Standing in my front hallway while my friend Ashley prayed over me, this baby, his birth mom, and the whole process. * Dropping Fischer off at preschool and knowing the next time I saw him, if everything went as planned, he would seem so much older. *The millions of texts and calls full of love, prayer, and support. *The incredibly windy roads to Joplin MO. *Talking about baby names. *Friends who gave us hotel points so we could stay for free when we got there. *Writing Boone's birth mom a card and rewriting it over and over because- what do you say to the women who are giving your son life? *The fact that my big kids' lives were relatively uninterrupted as family and friends surrounded them and met their every need. *That at one point, I think, we were told we had like 7 pizzas in the fridge because people just kept bringing them. *Telling the people who worked at the hotel what was going on and when we checked out the next morning them celebrating with us as we left. When We arrived in Joplin we checked into a hotel. We were hoping that after Boone was born we would be able to stay with him at the hospital, but we also knew He was going to be 6 weeks early and so we were unsure how long he would be in the NICU. We were making plans as they came. While sitting in the hotel room the night before Boone's birth mom was to be induced (her water had been broken for a week) I received a text from our caseworker letting us know we had a room starting the next day at Ronald Mcdonald House if we wanted it. Let me tell yall, RMH became the biggest blessing to us! I expected a room and maybe shared bathrooms- imagine dorm style. That is not what we were given. We had a beautiful room, 3 meals a day, access to snacks and our own bathroom- and more than anything the SWEETEST people you could imagine caring for us. PLEASE if you are ever looking for a charity to give to consider RMH, they do so much for families with sick children! Friday, January 25th we get up early and head to Mercy Hospital to meet our caseworker. They had begun the induction process that morning so we thought surely Boone would arrive at some point that day. We settled into the waiting room and met our caseworker. She went back and forth between sitting with us and checking on Boone's birth mom, who did not want to meet us prior to delivery. We met his birth moms sister at some point that day. And were given a tour of the NICU and Ronald Mcdonald Room from one of our favorite nurses, Kathy. Eventually, we settled into the Ronald Mcdonald Room so Boones biological family could come in and out of the waiting room without us present. That day came and went with no baby. So did Saturday, in fact, there was so little progression on Saturday we were encouraged to leave the hospital for a while so we went to lunch, Target, and a movie. We ended Saturday with no baby again. Saturday night we were so exhausted yet anxious- with every hour that ticked by I felt more and more like she would change her mind and the idea of walking into our home without a baby was unbearable. At 530 AM Sunday, we received a text from our caseworker saying "She is 5 cm and thinks you guys should come back up". We jumped out of bed and were to the hospital by 630, at 640 we were told she was a 9 and they were preparing for delivery. By 930 we still hadn't heard anything. Finally our sweet friend Kathy went to find out what was going on. Apparently, we had been given false information and Boone's mom was still a 5, not a 9-punch in the gut. I felt so badly for her, this had gone on for days, I was exhausted and knew it had to be a million times worse for her! We then moved up to the Ronald McDonald Room. We hung out with our new friend. A hospital Chaplin, Sister Julie. She was such a sense of encouragement and peace in the waiting. I spent some time in the quiet room praying and resting. Then it was finally "go" time. At 12:10 I received a text that his birth mom was 6-7 cm dilated, and things were really progressing. Then 10 minutes later another text "she is an 8". Kevin and I moved down to the regular waiting room where we knew the NICU would be able to find us easily. We were told we would need to wait until He was born, transferred to the NICU and stable before we would be able to see him. Instead, they wheeled him out of labor and delivery minutes after he was born, because He was doing so good, and they had to pass the waiting room to get to the NICU they stopped- looked right at us and said: "do you want to meet your babe?". I can not describe that moment in words. He was so tiny, and perfect (5 lbs 10 oz and 18 inches long, with a head full of blonde hair) and worth every ounce of heartache. We followed them to the NICU where they made sure he was ok, and then they handed him to me. It was so surreal. Everyone calling me his mom, yet I had only just met him. I loved him instantly and that terrified me because his birth mom still had every right to change her mind. Kevin was so hands-on from the get-go. He enjoyed learning to feed this tiny little guy and we savored time getting to know him. About an hour after Boone was born his birth mom asked to see him. We knew this was her plan and weren't alarmed by it. She has other children she wanted to meet him and we wanted her to have whatever time she needed. We expected him to be gone for a while. I remember praying as I watched the nurses walk away with this baby I had just fallen in love with to make me brave. Use me in this place for this time no matter the outcome. To help me not be selfish but to truly rejoice that he was having time with the young women who had given him life. Just a few minutes later they called to say his birth mom wanted Kevin and me to come to the room too. Walking to her room my stomach was in knots. What if I said the wrong thing? What if she didn't like us in person? What if this was it and we weren't going to get to bring him home with us? Once I walked in the room though, all that fear was gone. She had family there with her and we all hugged and cried. I thanked her for choosing us, she thanked us for adopting him. We met Boone's biological siblings. We talked about her seeing our book and adoption video and why she chose us. We took pictures. It was short and sweet and perfect. 2 days later she signed her rights away to Boone, I cried both tears of joy for us and tears of sadness for her. I went to court and became his legal guardian. My sister came all the way from FL to meet Boone and help with the others. We made trips back and forth from TN to MO, one of us with the big kids and one with Boone all the time. We got to know our wonderful nurses and RMH family. I don't think I have ever been so tired. After 17 days in the NICU, we were finally discharged and brought Boone home to TN where six months later we finalized his adoption and spent the last 11 months enjoying him! Adoption is a crazy business! It is hard and comes from the utmost loss. But WORTH IT! Boone is worth every last ounce of stress, pain, and heartbreak it took to get us to him! When we chose Boone's name we wanted to be very intentional. Boone was a name we had heard years before and I always thought it was cute, when we looked it up we found that Boone means "blessing" and oh how much of a blessing he is!!! God makes no mistakes, his timing is always just right, he wastes nothing! Boone, thank you for completing our family, thank you to his birth mom for allowing us the opportunity to raise him and being the answer to a million prayers, and thank you to our sweet friends and family for your love and support on this crazy journey! BOONE FRIAR YATES January 28,2018 5 lbs 10 oz, 18 1/2 inches long