fischer is 1

well fischer is obviously baby number 4. I got behind on his monthly posts. I am almost a month late on his 1 year post! But you know what, oh well! If I have learned anything from my sweet fischer it is to slow down, not sweat the small stuff and just enjoy life. Fischer was 10 days late. 10 long long days. 10 days that I thought would never come to an end. And then they did. Contractions came, finally. Water was broken and after 24+ hours my precious baby came into the world. I have vivid memories of his birth. I remember standing and swaying in the shower singing praises to Jesus between contractions and praying for strength to ride out another one when it hit. I remember the strength of his daddy holding my while I leaned on him through a contraction so strong I was unsure my legs would hold me up. I remember laughing with our nurse and her telling me over and over to relax my face, my hands, my whole body. I remember staring at my mother in laws bag and reading "jans junk" over and over until the wave passed. I remember trying not to push when he decided to come after minutes before being told I was 6 cm and everyone leaving the room :) I remember pushing and thinking, this is the last time I will do this and being so happy yet sad at the same time. I remember pulling him up to my chest and him screaming, he was here, he was all mine. God had blessed us with a 4th precious, healthy baby. I am so thankful. This last year hasnt always been easy. 4 young kids is a lot of kids. I have had to learn how to balance, juggle, fail, thrive, and divide my time daily. I have had moments I have felt great joy and moments I have wondered how I was going to make it to bed time. One thing I have done though is enjoyed my children. I have enjoyed fischer as a baby, never once wishing time would hurry or he would get past a phase to make my day easier. When he woke at night I nursed him, sometimes begrudginly as I got out of bed but once we were cuddled in his rocking chair always with great joy :). I have breathed him in and held him close. I have babied him. I have learned to teach my girls how to help me by caring for their brothers, or helping me cook and set the table- recognizing that often times it takes longer and is always messier but is a lot more fun. I have watched my first son turn from a baby to a toddler and on the verge of a little boy so full of life and energy. Having a 4th child has grown my marriage. I have had to rely on kevin for more help. He has learned a new level of appreciation for me and all I do. He is wonderful, he serves us with such patience and I would be lost without him. We are thankful to God for our beautiful children. Thankful that God always has a plan, He planned our family and He has carried us through the last year and will continue to do so. Fischer being 1 is bittersweet. He is growing and thriving and I am happy for him. But he is my baby, he will always be my baby and that momma heart of mine it isn't quite ready to let him grow up!