back?

Back to blogging? I hope so. I want to be. I honestly don't know what has kept me from blogging this last nearly year. Was I to busy? Maybe. Was I to tired? Sure. Was I overwhelmed? Sometimes. Well, I don't know, I can't give you clear answer. I sat down several times and considered what I would write here, and words escaped me. You see this last year has been busy, yes, has been exhausting and certainly overwhelming at times. But more then that I've literally been standing in awe of what God is doing I our home and family and when I have wanted to put that on paper (or the blog) I fear my words can't justify all he has done. So I pray you'll hear my heart. This last year our babies have grown. Averi turns 7 in few weeks. Sofia starts kindergarten in the fall. Reiter is 3 and living it up 2 days a week at preschool. And our sweet baby Fischer is nearly 2 (insert loud momma sobs)... kevin is working hard as always, serving in celebrate recovery at church and as a deacon As well as Co leading our wonderful small group. I took on teaching 2 days a week at preschool which has been such a joy to me. I've learned so much from the women who I have had the joy to teach beside, specifically my Co teacher Tammy. She is such a lover of Jesus, her husband, her family and her preschool kiddos- I pray I can put so much of her lifestyle into practice into my day to day, she is an encourage and a confidant and I knew day 1 I didn't want to just be her Co teacher I wanted to be her friend and I am so very thankful God granted me that desire of my heart. After a ton of prayer and agonizing I knew God was telling me no to returning next year as a teacher. AS much joy as I feel at preschool I feel like God just wants me home savoring this little window before my boys go to school as well as preparing us for our biggest transition yet... because as most of you know... we are adopting! So here is where the nitty gritty hits. I want my heart to be heard as I talk about our adoption. So please hear don't just read. We have 4 young children. And when Fischer was born we knew we were done (unless Gof miraculously intervened) having biological children, and potentially our family was complete. We brought Fischer home from the hospital and our home was bursting at the seams with chaotic joy. But in that joy God placed a void in my heart. A burning passion. A desire for orphans. I knew our finances. I knew our exhaustion, I knew what I thought were our limits. And I told God maybe later, maybe when our kids got older maybe we could just give to someone else to help them adopt. But God kept bringing me back. I couldn't pray or read the bible or be in church service without the statistics of orphans playing on my head. Without the image of children without families weighing down my heart. So kevin and I talked. He saw my heart, bless him. But it took him a while to work it out. He is our provider, so the finances of adoption and the care of 5 kids weighs heavy on him. He prayed. He prayed a lot. When I asked him his thoughts he simply told me to let him pray. I had to be quiet, when I wanted a yes and enthusiasm I told God. And after about a year God united our hearts, because that's the beauty of Christmas in marriage- he wants you united, he wants you like minded, and if you wait on him he will bring you to the same conclusions. So we prayed, God if this is what you want make your way clear to us. Provide our application fee in a miraculous way that we can't deny is from you. And he did. Heven sent a sweet old man in sams club who didn't know us. Who didn't know we were talking about adoption. But God stirred in his heart to pursue us. So here I was in sams with all my babe's just before christmas. our Christmas gifts were bought. Our kids well provided for. I know there was others who needed this $ more then we did. And here comes this sweet man, in a gray coat with matching cap. He says "you have lovely kids" I say "oh thank you!" And he says "I want you all to have a merry Christmas and hands me a wad of cash. By the time I looked at the money and looked up he was to far away to hear me protest keeping it. Then I counted it. It was exactly our application fee. God knew we needed that tangible sign of where and what he was calling us to. So we said yes. It took time. We explored options. We finally landed on haiti. We are pursuing a daughter. Her name will be harper. God is writing her story. She will come home and we will forever be indebted to all who loved us and helped us bring her home. I will try to share more of our journey. Of all God is doing to bring her to us. He is working and I am humbled to be a part of his plan. #bringingharperhome