Our goal since we found out I was pregnant with Averi has been for me to be able to be a stay at home mom. That goal has never come fully to fruition despite the great desire of my heart and Kevins heart. I have always watched a couple extra kids a few days a week and/ or worked as a CNA a few days a week/ month. There have been times I have worked ALOT and times I have worked very little just depending on what we needed financially.
When moving here we decided I would go back to babysitting in our home so I could stay at home with the girls as much as possible. I was blessed to find a family easily and began watching their two daughters three days a week, the money isn't great in childcare but atleast I get to stay home...
I was searching for another job as an aid with hopes to just find something one weekend a month, just for extra money and in order to keep my license. I was discussing this at church when a friend, well really an acquantance, we had only just met said she worked for Vanderbilt hospital in Human relations and would love to help me out. After much talk in person and in email she interviewed me for a position at Vanderbilts womens center. The postion was PRN so my hours wouldnt be gauranteed yet I would have to have childcare for my girls because Kev would be working, and stop watching the girls I currently sat for, which was ofcourse my safety net...
After the interview we got to number crunching, and thinking, and praying when we realized just to justify me working outside of the home and paying my sister in law (who has been gracious enough to offer to watch our daughters) I would need to work three days a week at Vanderbilts Womens Center. Not ideal. So we continued to talk, decided the money wouldnt be good enough at this particular position to stop watching the girls I sit for and I emailed my friend at Vanderbilt to let her know...
Her response was if I needed three days a week why not make them twelve hour days at the hospital, I would get benefits ( I carry insurance for the girls and I, but it is not very good, kev has a plan through work) the pay would more then justify paying my sister in law to watch the girls and I truly feel like I would enjoy it.
My friend told me what postions to apply for and put in a good word for me. I recieved a call from a lady in the NICU at vanderbilt. She told me she had heard of me through my friend and was very excited to meet with me... I was excited too! The interview went amazingly well, she hired me on the spot. I start October 18th for orientation...the hardest part was telling the mom I currently sit for I could no longer watch her babies, talk about feeling like a jerk. Luckily she was incredibly kind about the whole thing and already found someone new.
The hardest thing is feeling like I am letting go of my dream to stay home full time. I have wept and wept and wept with this overwhelming feeling that I am a bad mom by working three days a week, Kevin has prayed with me, offered to work two jobs again,which I DO NOT want him to do, he has supported and encouraged me through out this whole decision process, he is the sweetest kindess man you will ever meet. I know it is a sacrifice to stay home, it is a lot of work and a financial sacrifice... for me though it is an even bigger sacrifice to work outside the home. I hate being away from my babies, PRAISE THE LORD they will always be with family members we fully trust!
So the plan is for me to work night shift, meet kevin with the girls in the morning and sleep at my in laws while my sister watched them for a few hours. I would prefer day shift so as soon as that comes open they will move me to day shift. I feel so blessed to have gotten this job, financially it is a huge burden lifted and what a better place to be when you cant be with your own babies then helping others with their own sick babies? This job is a dream come true for me, God has truly blessed us.
5 comments:
Rachel, your struggle with guilt feelings over not being able to be a full time stay at home mom is universal. Every Mom who does now or ever has worked outside the home has experienced the same thing. I do feel, however, that it is extremely important for every woman to feel confident in her ability to either support, or help support, her family. As I used to tell my students in Family Living class, consisting of many young high school girls with one goal in mind -- to get married, every woman needs an education or job skill training. Even in the best of marriages, a husband can die; in the worse of them, husbands may leave or be abusive and you need to leave. In either case, the woman needs to feel self-sufficient enough to deal with the circumstances and not feel a need to remarry just for support. I lived that,unhappily, in my life after my Dad died, so I speak from experience. I was determined to not find myself in the same situation as my Mom, so I was away from my little kids, going to college, and later, at work when they were in grade school. I've commented many times about how I sad I felt about all the experiences I missed with them because of that. Bless Alison's heart, she has always tried to help me feel better by saying, "Mom, you were my inspiration. Your example taught me that I could get an education and work as well as be a good parent." She has been and continues to be MY inspiration because in spite of a very demanding job as a middle school teacher, she is THE BEST mom. She spends quality time with the girls and puts them before housework and less meaningful chores. Knowing the kind of teacher she is makes me feel so proud too. I know her students are very lucky to have her. She is excellent at both her job and as a parent. So, what I really am trying to say to you is that while you want to spend every moment possible with your girls, you don't need to feel so bad about not being able to. You are also an excellent Mom. I get that sense from reading your blogs, etc. They will not feel deprived AND you will keep yourself marketable in the job world, in case there should be an emergency that REQUIRED you to be the sole bread winner. Good luck to you in your new job. Try to enjoy it with a free conscience and knowledge that you are doing something worthwhile for the family.
Rachel, I find myself in a similar situation as you are in and just wanted to encourage you to keep pressing on. I too struggle with the desire to be at home full time. It is so hard to figure out how to balance meeting financial needs with meeting your desires for the ideal - staying at home. Yet, I have found that reminding myself of some of the reasons why I am working helps. One is that there have been times that Mike has worked a few jobs and has been home very little. This did not work well for our family. It has been difficult for Jonah to not have the time with Mike that he wants. Also, I tended to get lonely when he was gone so much. Another thing is that the Lord has given me as an SLP and you as a CNA to work in healthcare where there are so many opportunities with schedules, facilities, etc., so we have the ability to find something that will mesh well with our families' needs. Maybe now you will need to work 3 days a week, but in the future you may be able to work less or more as your family's needs change. And, perhaps, the greatest thing that I can remind myself with and you can too, is that working in the environments we do with the patients and their families, we have the unique opportunity to come alongside them to serve them and minister to them during some of the most difficult times in their lives. The Lord will use you as His child to do His work to comfort your patients and to show His love to hurting people. We have powerful positions in working with people who are at their weakest. And, think of the wonderful witness that you can be to your co-workers. Not only will they see your genuine faith, they will also see a wonderful example of a godly marriage and a godly family.
One other thing I often remind myself of is that Mrs. Wellum once encouraged me with the fact that we are called to be our husband's helper. That helping can take many different forms and one of those ways may be working some to help financially.
Blessings to you as you begin your new job!
Rachel, that sounds like a GREAT opportunity and I am happy for you! I will pray that it will work great for your family too! Love and miss you friend!!
Excited for you friend.
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